Sunday, September 20, 2015

Open City - My observations

Julius, a man who has his roots from Nigeria, is a Psychiatrist training in Manhattan. There is only so much we get to know about Julius. He was born in Lagos to a Nigerian father and a German mother. 
He went to Nigerian military school. He lost his father when he was in his teens. He didn’t get along well with his mother. He likes his grandmother – ‘Oma’, wishes that he gets to meet her soon but doesn’t make any real attempt to find her.

Julius goes on long walks along the streets of Manhattan and records life as he sees. He observes birds, people around him, the diversity, and their ethnicity. He quips how the other African immigrants, always address him as ‘Brother’ and how he often felt irked by it. He visits his ailing Professor Mr. Satio and discusses war stories with him.

This book by no means is conventional.  Every little detail is treated in the same way. Many a times, made me wonder – Is he digressing? Or, is this detail essential for the plot? There is nothing in the story which takes the prose forward. There is enough (at times too much) detailing of the surroundings but do they add value?The most exciting part(s) to me was:

  • Julius visits a detention centre in Bronx where he meets a Liberian man who describes his harrowing tale of how he got here after battling his way through a Liberian Civil war and African camps.  At the end of it, Julius quips – ‘I am not sure whether I believed him or not. After all, he had all the time to embellish the details to fit to his innocent refugee angle
  • Julius hops on a plane to Belgium. He meets an elderly woman on a plane who had lived through the Nazi regime in Belgium.  While they were discussing Belgium – about its openness she retorts -- Our society has made itself open for such people, but when they come in, all you hear is complaints. Why would you want to move somewhere only to prove how different you are? And why would a society like that want to welcome you?
  • Julius’s interaction with Farouq and Khalil in Belgium. They discuss a variety of topics – terrorism, imperialism. Each has his own view on the said topics. Farouq and Khalil add to the popular rhetoric that you just cannot have an author from the West write about oppression and expect the others to feel empathetic.
  • Julius gets mugged by boys of his own race (African American). I am sorry. It’s sad that I derived pleasure reading Julius’s sufferings but I can’t help it. I was able to go through those pages quickly.
  • Moji, sister of a friend of his from Nigeria accuses him for forcing himself on her several years ago in a party her brother hosted. She adds that she has thought about it almost every day of her life and that she has never forgiven him. What follows this accusation is Julius narrates an anecdote from the journals of Albert Camus involving Neitzsche and ScaevolaFelt like yelling, why now?

I had a tough time understanding the analogies. Julius uses excerpts from history, Mahler’s symphony to convey his mood/opinion/stand on an issue. Having read a little of history and with little/no knowledge of Music I just couldn’t get it the first time.


Turns out this form of narrative will remind the readers a lot of W. G. Sebald and J. M. Coetzee. The influence, apparently, is evident in text written in single unbroken paragraphs. Though people speak and occasionally converse, this speech is not marked by quotation marks, dashes, or paragraph breaks and is formally indistinguishable from the narrator’s own language.Throughout the book, Julius and the other characters bring up a lot of books and authors. Here's a list. 
  • The Year of Magical Thinking - A memoir by John Didion 
  • Walter Benjamin - On the concept of history 
  • Tahar Ben Jelloun's  Corruption
  • Mohamed Choukri acclaimed For Bead Alone - translated by Paul Bowles 

Monday, February 17, 2014

my thoughts on the movie - HER

There's this scene at the beginning of the movie when a coarse computer voice asks "Would you like your Operating System to have male or female voice?" and Joaquin Phoenix, with a momentary hesitation says 'Female, yes'.

A computer with a female voice - I would kill for that. The next 30 mins, to me, was the best part in the movie. The 'honeymoon' phase as Joaquin Phoenix recalls in the latter half of the movie. The story is set out in a fictional world (even though the skyline and the people seem real) where people talk to their operating systems and establish an emotional bond with them. A world where people communicate through letters but let the computers take care of the mundane job of penning down their thoughts. The world which is colorful (going by the overall color scheme of the movie) yet depressing.

In one particular scene where Joaquin wakes out of his slumber, looks through the window facing the beautiful-well-lit skyline and turns on his computer to have a conversation with Samantha (The OS). From the outside, it might seem that the world has everything. Beautiful bedrooms with a breathtaking view of the city's skyline, sparking wooden floors, colorful offices, computers to take care of the mundane chores. In spite of all these he doesn't have people around him to talk to. Does this set up seem all too familiar? Is there a subtle message somewhere?

In another, Samantha (The OS) lets her imagination run wild and comes up with an idea of misplaced body parts. No. No. Wait. She is so smart that she even comes up with a drawing in which the armpit has the butt hole. Joaquin, who is on the verge of a divorce feels lighter than air. At that moment, it didn't seem weird at all. It was so convincing that it made me feel that it's possible to have a fun relationship with a machine.

The movie on the whole is a masterpiece. Although, it did leave me thinking.

- Why only the men in the city are shown to be having relationships with their earpieces? Although, Amy Adams (who plays Joaquin's friend) talks about a colleague who is 'allegedly' having a clandestine affair with her friend's OS.
- When Samantha leaves Joaquin, he reaches out to Amy. They both go to the terrace, holding each other and gaze at the sunset and the movie ends on that note. Does this emphasize the importance of a human touch? I kind'a felt that the scene was left unfinished. I would have loved to see Joaquin and Amy together.

Note: This is not a review :)

Movie Info

Sunday, January 19, 2014

How to ruin a perfectly lovely Saturday evening?

I’m gonna write a book on “How to ruin a perfectly lovely Saturday evening? Who knows, it might go on to become a bestseller. Ok! This is the deal. I traveled 35 kms (one way) beating Saturday evening traffic , without the right rear view mirror to attend a Stand Up comedy show this evening and it is by far the worst one I’ve ever attended. So I’m going to go on a diatribe. So make your peace with that.

Of course, no one pointed a gun at me and asked me to attend the show. I booked tickets on my own. Out of the 4 who performed tonight, I have never heard about 2. So, it fit my trying-out-new-things-so-that-I-will-have-lesser-regrets-in-life funda. Yeah! Earlier, I used to detest change. I still do in many cases. FYI, I had the same breakfast for 1.5 years straight. Corn Flakes & Cold milk. Every fucking day.  Like a clockwork.

Anyways, coming back to how-the-show-was-a-disaster who bases their jokes on graffitis in toilets man? Come on. It’s 2014 for crying out loud. The only saving grace was the two young men. Keneth and Kanan. Keneth especially with this improv and guitars. Only then it occurred to me that I’d earlier watched a video of him promoting his show in the Pajama Fest. The worst of the lot was ‘Rajesh Hinduja’. For a moment, I felt like it was my uncle who was on stage.

I agree that there is no standard template when it comes to stand up but you gotta play to the crowd no? Each has their own style. Some do limericks. Some do impressions. Some sing. Some of them swear. Like how Jimmy Carr can never go without swearing and how Seinfeld uses the highs and lows in his voice to add the punch. 

It just dint work man. Sorry!

And there was this uncle who sat next to me. I sat to his left and there was a vacant seat to his right. Yet, during the course of the show, he leaned over to me several times. Maybe, it was my deo. Or, maybe he was trying to score tonight. Through no fault of my own, I became irresistible. And I don't blame him. I''m YUMMY.! ;-) Ok. Don't laugh. 

Nautica – 1 Silver Scent - 0  

For the record, I don’t go after middle aged men. :) 

So, from the next time choose wisely. You’ve been warned. 

PS: If you are get to choose your super power as a super hero what would you choose? 
I would cure men from male pattern baldness and small pen!$e$. 

Off to sleep now.                                                                                                                      

Friday, November 22, 2013

one outrage at a time please

As I'm typing this post in my notepad, I hear that a cargo plane has landed at a wrong airport. BUHAHAHAHA..! What the fuck? Tell me, what are the chances, huh? Despite having the services of all the technology and communication equipment - THINGS GO WRONG. Pathetic.

Anyhoo. I happened to reach home a bit early than my usual time today. So, I planned to keep myself abreast with the current affairs. I flipped through the news channels one after the other. Every other channel had panelist accusing the guy-with-a-pony-tail(no, no not the dare-to-think-beyond-iims guy. This fellow, apparently, is the recent addition to the pony-tail-flaunting dorks). The panelist demanded justice - Hard and fast. People demanded that even the top brass to be scrutinized just like ordinary people. Jargons (Credibility over Chaos) were coined. Campaigns were kick-started. Links for on-line petitions were shared seeking signatures so that we, the people, stand united in our fight against harassment against women.

Yesterday, we outraged about whether it was the right decision to award Sachin with Bharat Ratna. People challenged the decision and in fact a case has been filed against the decision.

The day before it was the Patel statue.

The day before it was about the escape velocity.

The day before it was about the RaG and the curious case of 25,000 mosquitoes.

The day before it was about the bloggers who outrage about the outraging things that are happening in this outraging country filled with outraging people.

The day before it was botched up channa masala.

Ok. Ok. You get the drift right?

Back in 2010, we had a crisis in our project. We'd multiple client escalations reaching till the whos-and-whos of the company. We were at the brink of losing the project. Many feared that we'll be out of our jobs if we didn't get the next delivery right. Adding to it was huge backlog of bugs that kept piling on a daily basis. The client demanded instant solutions. Like the old saying 'If God closes a door, he opens another', 'If we closed a bug, we would end up opening another'.
Amidst all this chaos, there was this GUY who managed to talk some sense to the client.
Man! Did he have balls made of steel or what? (That we never knew ;-) )

No, he did not turn water into wine. No, he did not find a way to shut the black hole that was sucking all of us in.
All he did was - He prioritized things. He came up with a contingency plan. He took some time ( a little longer under the circumstances) to identify the root cause. Things started becoming better.  
He did not turn things upside down over night. It took some doing but we were able to win the client's confidence back.


Now, I am talking about a project which involves 50 odd people working their ass of in India and few others who spend most of the time dreaming about their vacation in Europe. [ Hee hee.. Had to take a dig at onsite fellows no ;-) ]

India, as I speak, has a population of about 1.27 billion (Data from the first link that Google returned)

It takes a long time for someone to formulate a policy, review, execute and ensure that the people concerned are the ones who are actually benefited by the policy.

We have waited 60+ years after independence. How long should we wait?

I hear you. As much as we all want the country to prosper, we must understand that it TAKES TIME.

To ensure better governance, I propose few radical changes

To start with, lets pick one funny, one funky and one outrage-worthy topic for a week. Let us all focus our energies discussing them at length and bring them to closure before moving on to the next one.

People should have a say (only)in choosing who rules their corporation/panchayat. Not beyond that. The elected representatives in turn get a vote to pick candidates for the houses of the Parliament. I don't see how a party, which doesn't even have a presence in my state would care for my well being. Of course, they can always form allies but it shouldn't be just for the sake of cashing in on the votes. 

- I am actually saddened looking at these things. Genuinely. Trust me. 
- Managing a project and managing a country are two different things. I get that. My point is – you cannot expect things to happen immediately.
- Women go through a lot in our country on a daily basis. They are molested, groped and even in some cases get attacked with a machete. I am not denying the hardships they go through on a daily basis. Rather than outraging about an incident and forgetting the moment something else happens lets find a solution which helps the country in the long run.

Too much to ask, eh? 

~ cheers.!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

blah blah bleh blue......

Aaah! Three months. I know right. It's been a long time since I had posted something here. Nothing has changed since April.

- No visible signs of improvement in my social life.

- I still get promotional emails from travel planners promising the cheapest air fares to USA and
Europe which is kind'a moot since I don't see myself traveling at least for the next 15 months.

- I am putting on weight like a sponge soaked in water. Now, all I need is some giant hand with a death grip to squeeze all the fat out of my body.

- I got myself a new phone and an earphone that I wanted to buy ever since I was in College.

- People are still going nuts over NaMo and RaG.

- People are still sharing puppy faces and stray dog's pics and asking if I'm ready to adopt and all. I never had a thing for stray dogs. Or, dogs on the whole. Go ahead. Judge me. I know I am an outcast. I would like to go on the record and say that I did have a dog when I was in my Class V. Like all others, I named my dog 'Tiger'. He was cute and at the same time had the ferocity of a Rotweiler. Soon, I lost interest because by the time I reached home from School, my porch would reek of dog poop and chu-chu. Such a mess it was. These poor little bastards are high maintenance man. I tell you.  

- People have started finding out the scientific reasons behind the concept of fasting during 'EKADASI'. Like it really matters. So much for #worldPeace.

- I have finished reading 4 books since April and have started reading the 5th book, which is great by my own standards.

- Yesterday, I was driving back home after watching this play in Alliance Francaise. Despite being a Saturday, the traffic was slow moving and it looked like it was going to rain heavily. When I was waiting for the signal I spotted this cute couple in a brand new Swift Dzire. I couldn't hear what they were talking about but they seemed to be having a pleasant conversation. I know it's not the best thing to do but I started observing them.  And then it occurred to me, "You know what? May be, its not such a bad way to spend the evening. Going on a drive with your loved one and having a fulfilling conversation and all." Probably for the first time in years, I imagined myself being in that position. I don't know whether it was the traffic or the humidity that got on to me but it felt good. It's probably the humidity. Definitely the humidity. This is what happens when your body and brain gets dehydrated. As I was about to get lost in my train of thoughts, I felt a thump. Someone smacked me from behind and I started hearing voices. It was my friend who was speaking from 'tag clouds'. "Dei, did you not listen to me AT ALL? Did I not tell you about what I have been going through for the past few weeks?  Have fun while it lasts man. Why do you want to get into the mess that is marriage?"

So, tell me what you guys were up to. Tell some saucy gossips. I want to know EVERYTHING.

And by the way, check this out. The Hindu Metroplus Theater festival is back in town. At least, I need not think about ways to spend the next few weekends.

- peace 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

"boomchickawowow", really?

Last week, I watched ‘Special 26’ starring Akshay Kumar and Anupam Kher. There was this scene at the fag end of the movie in which Akshay Kumar recruits 26 job aspirants for his heist.

Out of the 26 recruits, only 4 are women for which he reason out this way -

"Don't feel bad that I have recruited only four women. I feel that you four are capable of doing what the other 22 men can do."

In the days of women being portrayed as someone who yells 'boomchickawowow and rips apart an old man's shirt' just because they are captivated by the smell of deodorant, fall for mango juices and what not; I was pleasantly surprised in the way in which they'd handled the scene.

Although, it's too early to declare that there is a paradigm shift in portraying women in ads; Akshay's dialogue was indeed a welcome change.

I just don't understand the rationale behind using skimpily clad women in ads. Yes. They do make others pause and take notice but will those moments of gawking at their cleavage or whatever part that is exposed, translate into a sale?

How do you measure the success of an ad campaign? Perhaps, digital marketers can pitch in and share their views. 

I wouldn't buy a bag of cement/iron rods for construction just because a leading actress endorses it. I would buy if it’s good and if it provides value for money.

I wouldn't buy a cool drink just because Asin endorses it. Miranda or Fanta what difference does it make? Both taste like aerated shit only.

I wouldn't buy a deodorant just because it can make the women around me go 'Awwwww'.  What nonsense boss?  I used Axe in college only because of their competitive pricing. 100 odd bucks for a month seemed to be a fair deal. Now that I am earning on my own, I do try out other Intl brands. I am not denying that but there is always a budget, a boundary. I would think twice to go beyond it.
I use jockey now not to entice women but it withstands heavy machine wash when compared to the local brands.

We are Indians boss. We are so obsessed with this whole 'paisa vasool' funda. As long as the product is worthy for the money that we pay, we would go ahead and buy it. Whether it's endorsed by a busty actress or a skinny modern chick – nobody gives a FUCK.

So stop portraying women as a sexpot. I am not a feminist or anything. It just doesn't make any business sense. That’s all.

I am no saint. I do stop and check out if someone beautiful passes by. Like I've said earlier, over the years, I have devised a technique that nobody will even know if I am actually looking at them. We are Pros boss. J 

Be creative boss. 

~ cheers.!

Friday, April 5, 2013

moving on...

This part of my life is called choosing between poo padhai and singa padhai. I have moved on from CSC and I will be joining a much smaller company (at least in numbers). I had put down my papers in my current company in February and today is my last day with the organization. Somehow, my gut tells me that if I miss this chance, I might never get one again. You got to listen to the inner beast right? 

I have wanted to do this for a long time. There is always more freedom in smaller companies than these biggies but with great freedom comes great responsibility. You’ll be held accountable for more things. You’ll have to be watchful. You’ll have to be on your toes always. However, after seeing people in eBay moving on to start their own ventures/smaller companies, it was only a question of time for me to follow their footsteps.  And I see this as a first step towards opening up my own venture. Pretty far fetched, right? :)

Will it happen? I am quite not sure at this moment. But one day, I wish to join hands with like minded people to build something cool.
Are you good enough? Again, I am quite not sure at this moment. But I am open to learn and adapt. Trust me; it is not an empty promise. Anyways, it’s not wise to think about something way ahead in the future now. 

On the professional front:
From the discussions I had with the would-be manager, the work sounded really interesting. Those guys are doing some kickass stuff to support a company which boasts itself for churning out super computers at will. Apart from the technology I would be working on and the promised remuneration; I really don’t have any other expectations from the company.
I have started writing a technical blog and I will publish the URL pretty soon. Need to get a few things right before I share it out.

On the personal front:
I am going to take a 10 day break. I will be joining them on the 15th of this month. An extended pit stop to perform well in the race that is - LIFE.  The last few months had been nothing but hectic. I had to prepare & attend interviews amidst stringent deadlines, unrealistic client expectations, inadequate resources (environment and data) and crippling back pain.  But I learned a lot and I sincerely hope that the learning would help me move forward with confidence.

Battered, bruised but at the same time I’m feeling re-energized like never before.
Wish me luck! 

PS: Wondering about the image? I've added a Pillayar Suzhi to start the new life on an auspicious note
~ cheers.! 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

evano oruvan

26/2/2013 03.15 a.m
Chennai Madras

It is that time of the day when the aisle bores a deserted and dim lit look. I turn around to see that there's not even a soul in the vicinity. The security guard keeps checking on me once in a while just to ensure that I don't indulge in any behaviour that might scar the decorum of the cubicle. The security turns the a/c off because it's just not worth it to waste electricity for a dumbfuck who stays late. There's always a trade-off - I tell myself. I stand no chance when pitted against saving precious electricity. The motherhood calls to check if I'll be back home for dinner. I reply her. 
I get back to doing whatever I was doing for the past 12+ hours. I get back to staring at the screen and keying in a bunch of well-thought-over-and-occasionally-bombing code.

I reply to mails. I deal with snobs. Snobs - who are so convinced that I am missing the obvious. "How could you not see this? Can't you see the giant green fucking switch in front of you? All you need to do is to turn it clockwise to make things work and you are trying to turn it anti-clockwise. Can’t you just do that? I mean, how hard it is to do that huh? ", they cringe.

I reply to superiors who talk to me while they are having a mouthful. (No dirty thoughts ra you rascals).
"Awhstb e jjsyyeawer jsjhrudreiuendfdnfjdhf, whatssskskd the statttsss?" they ask.
"Yes, sir. We’ll deliver the fixes today." I reply them after deciphering the text from the mouthful of homemade delicacy.

I deal with people who volunteer to assist me by sending (not to forget: by copying who's and who's of the company) first two search results from Google asking me to check if it helps. You see running a search on Google is considered to be a sin in my part of the world. So, they volunteer to bare the sins on my behalf. I deal with people who get offended if I don’t reply them back after trying out their 'alleged' solution.
"Man, I gave you the solution and explained you how things need to be done. What else do you expect huh?" they ask.

I struggle with IE which takes forever to load a web page with few images. I curse from the deepest corner of my heart. I long to have the system just the way I want it to be. Not to appear cool or anything. Just to feel "at home", to feel "comfortable". At times all it takes is the smell of your carpet, smell of your stinking socks, smell of your pet dog to make you feel home. Makes you feel that things are within your control. Gives you a false sense of hope that things could never go wrong. Placebo effect. Remember?

I stare at the emptiness. I gape at the ceiling thinking that how insignificant I am in this vast universe. I share sweet nothings with my over priced cappuccino. I imagine how things would have been if I had chosen the blue pill. (Had to bring in the matrix reference. Isn't it? ) I cringe at the very fact that how my life stinks just like my sock. I learn things. I learn them the hard way.

Every day I say this to myself, "From today, I am going to be assertive. I am gonna swear on top of my voice and give them the finger (wish I could do that). Or, at least reply them with a polite no. "
As I say this, I see God ROLFing by my bedside. "Man, you really think today is gonna be different? Ha ha ha ha…"

Ignoring his cynicism, I head to work with the hope that one day, I would simply sit and stare at the watch the world pass by. Simply sit and do nothing else. :)
After all, hope is the good thing. May be the best of the things and remember no good thing ever dies.

- yours truly,
evano oruvan

Saturday, February 9, 2013

ahem ahem.. ecchuse me

Ohai! So, how have you been?

*Sends platonic handshakes to men and romantic lip pout to all the ladieez*

I have often been amazed just by looking at how life changes track so quickly. One moment you are on top and the next moment you embark on a downward spiral, nose diving thick and fast that it would take an eternity just to get back where you started.

Not so long ago, I was ODing on optimism. Things were going just great. In my pursuit to explore opportunities across the pacific, I left the place which had almost all the facilities that one would expect in a company to a mediocre one.  As fate would have it, my visa dint get through. See, this is what hope/chasing your dreams can do to you.  Remember this?

The work is not exciting. The facilities aren't that great and to top it all the grueling commute to office on a daily basis. My demands are pretty basic. 
To jot down a few
- Workstations with decent configuration.
- Chrome browser.
- Access to change wallpaper and the OS themes.  No, nothing fancy. I prefer good old windows classic theme and I have this as wallpaper wherever I go.
- Access to download and tryout anything that's open source.
I don't give a fuck about bad caterers, long work hours, stringent deadlines, fellow cubicle mates who laugh at the lamest of the jokes, bawling chicks etc.
I am all game for feeling contended with whatever you have. But my needs are simple no? What say?

Looks like I am stuck in a time warp boss.

Despite my hatred towards the place there are several things that caught my attention.

There is this flock of pigeons that sit on the awning and make moaning noises all day. They seem to be having a hell of a time. I wish even I could do that. Sit on a spot whole day and make passes on the folklore.

There is this guy who smokes like a shunt engine and talks to himself. By talking, not talking-to-self-with-violent-hand-movements-like-Sreesanth. This guy is mellow. From a distance, it looks as if he is chanting hymns to guard him from the evil.

Cribbing and protesting about something seems to be the fad now. I have done my part. So, what ya'll been up to? 

Sorry ba, will be back with something more meaningful. ;-) 

~ cheers.!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

people you might know

Hello all and Ohai.! Ladies,
It’s been a while since I wrote something no? Well, here it is.

Today, I am going to describe to you a particular scenario. Nothing complex though. There is a certain chance that you might have faced this scenario a number of times in your career. If that is the case, it is an exercise for you – see if you are able to identify the characters involved. If you haven't faced this scenario, make a mental note of it and be prepared.
Scene 1:
C: I have a task that needs to be done ASAP. One of my team members will get in touch with you to explain the requirements. Let me know if you take this up?

Few minutes later.

M: Sir, it's already late. Do you want this right away? I don't think we have enough people now to take this up now.
C: Come on, Man! Don't tell me that you don't have even a single guy who is vulnerable, low on self esteem working for you.
M: Well! Now that you've put it that way, I guess I've found our man.
C: Sounds good.

Scene 2:
M: There is a concierge on its way. We have a requirement to dig a hole ASAP so that the party which is accompanying the concierge can get along with their activities.
D: But sir, I haven't done this earlier. Also, we don't have the tools in place for me to get started.
M: *looks visually upset * Look, we don't have time for this. Dude, anybody can deliver if they have the time and material.  Situations like reveal the true colour, pushes you out of your comfort zone. Now get on with the task already. I'll go see if I can get some help.
D: *Curses his fate and starts digging the hole with a ladle.*

M returns after a while.

M: Pchhhh.! *audible sounds of disgust and disapproval* At this rate, I don't think we will be able to finish it on time. You have been digging all day and I see only a handful of mud. And I don't find the hole "appealing". I will see if I can get an expert.

D tries hard to ignore the nitpicking, tries his self motivation technique and continues digging with the ladle.

Meanwhile, M goes back and returns with D1.

D1: Well, I have done this long back. I would need some time to brush up my skills.

M returns with U who has, in the past, dug up some aesthetically pleasing holes.

M: U, people say that you are good at this. What's your impression and what do you have to offer?
U: Well, before I get started I have a few questions. Have you thought through this entire thing? Have you done the story boarding? Do they have their own coffin? Or, should we do that also? If yes, what type of coffin would they prefer - Teak, oak, sandal wood? What about the leg room?
Haven't you heard about people turning in their graves?
*M and U laugh out loud for that lame joke*
Have you thought about the epitaph? Do you have its contents? Do you…. D interrupts and tells U that the procession might be here any moment.
U ignores and continues to add some nice to have feature and ends a long monologue with this.
U: D, the hole you have dug might be good enough to fit you but not C. *U and M laugh in unison*.  C deserves the best. Our reputation is at stake. By doing this, C would come to know that we have an eye for detail and we put C's comfort ahead of everything even in crisis times.
D: @#$%^&*^@ 

Identify C,M,D,D1 and U :)

~ cheers.!